Im back at home. Dang it ! I told myself that i aint gonna cry anymore but guess what? I cried when i was waiting for bus @ the bus stop, i cried during assembly and i cried in class. He told me not to ever msg him or call him again, but i couldnt control myself after what i heard. Crush told me that marcus called last night and told her that he was sorry for bringing so much hurts to me, so crush asked him if he broke up with me bcos he didnt wanna hurt me any longer or bcos he truly loved the girl? He said he broke with me bcos he didnt wanna hurt me but said he didnt know if he truly love the girl. Im kinda disappointed i guess. However, im glad he is still concerned for me thou and when crush asked him if we still had any chance of being tgt, he said he dunno. So this means that i still got a lil bit of chance even thou it might just be 1%. Im gonna hang on to this chance! I know he also asked crush to persuade me to forget him, but this kinda thing, i really cannot do. He isnt even aware of how much i love him! Hais.. If he could see, how much pain i am going thru den he`ll know how much i really love him and how much i really need him. Hais. Till now, i really dont understand why he would do this to me. My mouth is infested with ulcers bcos i kept biting my lips when i was crying. Its a bad habit i guess, when i feel pain i my heart or when i feel sad, i`ll just keep biting my lips. And when we were tgt, whenever i bite my lips, he`ll kiss me to prevent me from biting my lips. Hais..

I wonder how i look like now, even my teachers and friends kept asking if i was okay bcos they thot i was sick. My teacher said she was worried bcos i am usually very talkative and now im so so quiet. She even asked me if i was on a diet and not eating & stuffs. And my friends also commented about my eyes. Hais.. Its not i wanna torture myself or what, but i really lost my appetite to eat. Even if i eat, its bcos im forced too. So today, i`ve only drank 3/4 cup of milo bcos my crush forced me to. Hahs. Nvm.. No one cares about me anyways.

So while i was having lessons halfway, mommy called me and asked if i was okay. She told me she loved me and asked me to be strong. Hais..she is really sucha good mother! I love her lots! She even cried when i cried. I guess she has never seen me, the strongest daughter to become like this. Hais. In class today, i wrote a few page long letter to marcus, confessing every single thing i`ve lied to him about and other stuffs but i guess i wont have the chance to give it to him. Besides that, i still have another 2 page letter in my bag waiting to pass to him. Hais... I really miss him so bad. I know i`ll feel numb towards the pain one day but i know one thing for sure is that i`ll still love him and i`ll still hold on to the hope of being tgt with him again.

Call me stubborn, naive or whatever. I really dont mind letting him hurt me again and again if i can have one more chance to be with him. I hope he still loves me now at this point of time and i really hope that one day, when he 'wakes up', he`ll see that im the girl who is truly madly and deeply in love with him. He said i was too good for him, but if i was too good, why didnt he cherish me even more instead of dumping me bcos i was TOO GOOD for him? Hais.. I really dont know. I guess i`d only give up on the day he tells me flat in my face that he totally dont have anymore feelings for me.

Marcus, if you`re reading this, i will wait for you, be it one month, one year... I will wait. And if you are reading this, hear this song by rascal flatts ' What hurts the most'. http://oothuytoo.imeem.com/music/_8zVUJK6/what_hurts_the_most/

我曾经爱过这样一个男人
他说我是世上最美的女人
我为他保留着那一份天真
关上爱别人的门
也是这个被我深爱的男人,
把我变成世上最笨的女人

他说的每句话我都会当真
他说最爱我的唇.

我的要求并不高, 待我像从前一样好
可是有一天,你说了同样的话,把别人拥入怀抱.
你身上有她的香水味是我鼻子犯的罪.
不该嗅到她的美,檫掉一切陪你睡.
你身上有她的香水味;是你赐给的自卑

你要的爱太完美我永远都学不会


I love you marcus.